Sex With Tarazan

One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and, during her questions about his life, she asked him how he managed for sex. "What's that?" he asked. She explained to him what sex was, and he said, "Oh,Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree."Horrified, she said, "Tarzan you have that all wrong! I will show you how to do it properly." She took off her clothes, lay down on the ground, and spread her legs wide. "Here," she said, pointing, "You must put it in here."Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an almighty kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to gasp, "Why the hell did you do that?""Tarzan check for bees!"

Blonde

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blond female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut &stormed back in the house.

little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"


To which she replied, "There certainly is!"

(Are you ready? This is a beauty...)

My stupid computer keeps saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL."

Three guys were on a trip to Saudi Arabia. One day, they stumbled into a harem tent filled with over 100 beautiful women. They started getting friendly with all the women, when suddenly the Sheik came in. "I am the master of all these women. No one else can touch them except me. You three men must pay for what you have done today. You will be punished in a way corresponding to your profession."

The Sheik turns to the first man and asks him what he does for a living.

"I'm a cop", says the first man.

"Then we will shoot your penis off!", said the Sheik.

He then turned to the second man and asked him what he did for a living.

"I'm a firemen", said the second man.

Then we will burn your penis off!", said the sheik.

Finally, he asked the last man, "And you, what do you do for a living?"

And the third man answered, "I'm a lollipop salesman!"

Black Powder

A guy enters a bank to see about getting a business loan."What kind of business do you want to start?" asks the bank manager."I have some black powder. You sprinkle it on a women's vagina and it makes it taste like a peach.""I don't think we can give you a loan." he replied.So the guy left. A few months later he went into the bank with a wheel barrel filled with money.The same bank manager said, "Congratulations, I guess that idea for black powder really paid off.""Nah, that didn't go anywhere. I made my money with this white powder.""Really," replied the bank manager. "What does it do?""Give me a peach and I'll show you."

Wht is Love?
Slow down for three minutes to read this.

It is so worth it.Touching words from the mouth of babes.

What does Love mean?

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds,

"What does love mean?"

The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore.So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too.

That's love."Rebecca- age 8"

When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."Billy - age 4"

Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."Karl - age 5"

Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."Chrissy - age 6"

Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."Terri - age 4"

Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."Danny - age 7"

Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss"Emily - age 8"

Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)"

If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,"Nikka - age 6(we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)"

Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."Noelle - age 7"

Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."Tommy - age 6"

During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore."Cindy - age 8"

My mommy loves me more than anybody . You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."Clare - age 6"

Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken."Elaine-age 5"

Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford."Chris - age 7"

Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day."Mary Ann - age 4"

I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."Lauren - age 4"

When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you." (what an image)Karen - age 7"

Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross."Mark - age 6"

You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."Jessica - age 8"