Hii

Trouble sleeping

The woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office. "What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked.

"Well, I, uh," she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac."

"I see," he said. "I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour."

"That's not bad," she replied. "How much for all night?"

Change your course now

This is the transcript of an actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995.Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations on November 10, 1995. Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision. Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision. Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course. Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course. Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS, AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

Food one-liners

The snack bar next door to an atom smasher was called "The Fission Chips."On April Fools Day, a mother put a fire cracker under the pancakes. She blew her stack.A new chef from India was fired a week after starting the job. He keep favoring curry.A couple of kids tried using pickles for a Ping-Pong game. They had the volley of the Dills.The four food groups: Fast, Frozen, Instant, and Chocolate.A friend got some vinegar in his ear, now he suffers from pickled hearing.Overweight is something that just sort of snacks up on you.Sign in restaurant window: "Eat now - Pay waiter."I thought you were trying to get into shape?I am. The shape I've selected is a triangle.

When I was in 10th grade my student council group of all the leaders of my class went on a roller skating party. My friends dared me to wear no long shorts and no boxers. I did this unfortunatley. While we were skating my friends decided to pull the meanest prank. They pulled my pants down and my shorts fell down to my ankles. My shorts around my ankles caused me to trip and fall. I fell and nocked a really cute girl down. We were both laying on the ground i was naked and my "dollar fifty" was literally right on her face. She started to scream and i became so embarassed. Wrd spreads quickly in my school and soon everyone knew what happened and i was never able to go a day of school without being made fun of.

hUh

I am a 19 yr. old male and frequently skinny dip at night in my pool outback. One night my parents were away for the weekend and after a long day and party night I grabbed a couple of beers, shed my clothes and headed outside to the pool. I slipped into the pool for a swim, lay on the deck under the midnight sky and had a couple of the beers. I decided to lay on the raft under the moonlight and relax as I floated naked in the pool… The next thing I know I am being woken at about 8:00 a.m. by the birds chirping, the sun in my eyes and greeted by the stares of the neighbour’s 17 yr. old daughter at poolside as she was leaving for work the next day!! I had fallen asleep under the stars and slept through the night floating on the raft! When I awoke I was stark naked floating in the middle of the pool with a huge morning hard on sticking straight up.


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